Even the diehards long for something ...

A friend from Montreal writes:

Now I have received a phone call from D___ who is responsible for community activities such as the substance abuse program at the C___ who has arranged an "interview" on August 31 when she and other management personnel return from vacation. At that point I would be expected to explain LifeRing to the health professionals at the Quebec government run C___.

D ___ is already very impressed with the brochure and says I don't need to bring any other materials, she would very much like to have LifeRing at the C______ and finds it all the more interesting in that it would be new to Montreal. That's what she said when I told her somewhat sheepishly, that, well, I've never experienced LifeRing, personally, yet....except for that first rush of self-empowerment.

I have discussed the matter with 3 other friends from N.A. Virtually everyone who has read the brochure (the same one I was criticizing and picking apart) falls in love with LifeRing and asks me "where's the meeting, when's the meeting?" One of these friends requested more LifeRing literature, he's thirsty for more LifeRing literature. ...

Others suggest it would be quicker to just find some other venue, like some church basement somewhere. But I had it in mind to put down some solid roots. If it gets approval at the C___ I intend to approach the Referral Centre of Greater Montreal (which is funded by Centraide, sort of like Red Feather or United Appeal). To get a listing on the CRGM would mean there would finally be an alternative offered to people calling up there (I was referered to N.A. through the CRGM).

Marty, I need to know, what am I supposed to be doing now? Go on a convenor's blog? Wait until the final nod which won't be until the first week of September. (After D___, it goes to management).

So there are no less than 3 friends from N.A. my sponsor, and at least 3 employees of the C___ who are interested in attending the first LifeRing meeting. Not counting myself.

By the way my sponsor phoned up California and put me on the phone with Bob B., the oldest surviving member of N.A. whose own sponsor was Jimmy K. the founder of N.A. and I told Bob B. that I believed that freedom from the disease concept of addiction and self-empowerment were the wave of the future and he said "Make the most of what you have".

I somehow had the feeling that even diehards long for something unnamable that is out there.....that can't quite put their finger on it. By the way virtually all of these N.A. members, unlike myself have no gripes whatever with N.A., don't feel like 5th wheels everywhere, but are impressed with LifeRing just the same.

So I have to establish a time-line and start figuring out who does what. One of these people offered support and even to accompany me to the interview if this is a good idea. So, is it a good idea? He doesn't have access to the internet.

Any input would be appreciated as I have felt alone with all this "pipe dream" for a while now, and now it looks pretty close to getting done. The first meeting would be in English, from what I can see.

I've boldfaced the line, "even diehards long for something unnamable that is out there," because it expresses something that I'm hearing from other people in other places as well. I've mentioned in the previous blog post the phone call I got from a 20+ year AA member who read Empowering Your Sober Self and felt stirred to call up and get a LifeRing meeting started. This past week I got an almost identical phone call from the same state, same county. This caller had got Empowering Your Sober Self from his local library. He has spent the past four years in AA, and he was so motivated by his reading that he phoned to see if there was a LifeRing meeting nearby and, on being told there was not yet, enthusiastically volunteered to help get one started.

Listening to these voices, I get the impression that they feel a certain emptiness at the core of the 12-step approach, and although this feeling is unauthorized and implicitly subversive, and therefore must be repressed from consciousness, it nevertheless erupts to the surface, irrepressibly, in certain times and places.

As for the nuts-and-bolts questions of what to do until September -- well, September will be here very soon. There is quite a bit of reading that could be done in the interim. If people are in the mood, they could get together in a coffee shop and discuss the readings, and become acquainted with the LifeRing concept and format, so that by the time the flag is formally raised and the doors open to the public, there will be the beginnings of a core group.

Should you take another person to the interview? If the person is familiar with the LifeRing approach from reading, and makes a presentable impression, then by all means take them. Whenever possible, I always try to take at least one other person along when I go to an interview or give a talk; it helps me evaluate the session afterward, and it helps the person get familiar with the subject matter and become comfortable giving the talk next time, when called upon.

Interesting Phone Call

The caller on the LifeRing 800 line identified himself as a 25-year member of AA, and one of the best-known speakers on the West Coast AA circuit. He said he happened to be in a recovery bookstore and my book (Empowering Your Sober Self) "jumped out at him" and be bought it and, over the next 24 hours, read it straight through. "I want to start a LifeRing meeting," he said. "I've been reading recovery literature for 30 years and I've never picked up the phone and called before."

He's going to contact some of the people he knows at local treatment centers to see about getting a room and referrals. I advised him he might run into some resistance with some of his AA friends. He said he is ready for a new challenge. We'll talk some more. He's aiming to open the doors of a new LifeRing meeting in September.

PS For a follow-up on this, see my post "They laughed at him" in the New Recovery blog.

And now, Liability Insurance

LifeRing Treasurer Robert Stump reports that the whole LifeRing network is now covered by a general commercial liability policy. 

We now have a NIAC Commercial General Liability Insurance Policy covering the fifty states and Canada. It became effective 5/11/09 and will last one year. This policy will cover any liability and/or property damage  that might occur at any of your weekly LifeRing meetings. Personal injury and property damage are up to the limits of the policy stated here.    

 The following is a highlight of some of the coverage:

• General Aggregate                                           $2,000,000
• Products-Completed Operation Aggregate           2,000,000
• Personal & Advertising                                       1,000,000
• Each Occurrence Limit                                      1,000,000
• Fire Damage (Any One Fire)                                 500,000 
  
• Medical Expense (Any One Person)                       20,000 

The insurance policy will be on file at the Service Center in Oakland. For any questions please contact the Service Center, service@lifering.org or me, Robert Stump at CFO@lifering.org

This policy won't make any difference to most LifeRing convenors, because we've never had a claim or are likely to ever have a claim, but in a few cases it will make the difference between having a meeting or not having it.  Some churches and other meeting room providers absolutely require organizations to have such insurance.  Well, now we have it.  If you are a convenor for whom this is an issue, you will need a copy of the Declarations Page to show the meeting room provider.  Contact Robert at CFO@lifering.org for a copy.

This policy is also another part of the answer to the question sometimes asked: what happens to the money we send in to the Service Center.  

His Excellent Adventure

The LifeRing Expo May 9-10 is already fading into memory.  You can read the quasi-'official' wrap-up I wrote on the lifering.org (aka unhooked.com) website, with some photos by Karen Ivy, here.  But to really get the flavor of the event, particularly for a traveler who came a considerable distance, you have to read "My Excellent Expo Adventure," by Craig Whalley, here.  Craig's account is all the more interesting because he is mainly an online participant -- he is listmeister of two lists and online contact for a third -- and does not have a face-to-face meeting he can go to.  What's it like when online participants meet face to face for the first time?  Craig writes well, and has a good eye for the quirks and foibles that make people human and lovable.  Worth reading.  It would be good if more people followed Craig's example and wrote such journals.

Partners: Push/Pull

Some of the calls to the LifeRing 800 line are from people who are on the edge of their sanity. I try to make it clear at the outset, gently but firmly, that this is not a crisis hotline and that I'm not a counselor or a doctor, and have no qualifications to offer advice.

This gentleman was talking through tears and sobs. What was the problem? He has a friend, a very good friend, a wonderful person (when he's sober) who broke up with his wife, got drunk and high on pot, and came over to the caller's house and did more drinking and pot smoking there, and invited the caller to go for a drive with him. The caller had made it very clear to the friend that he did not allow drinking and pot smoking in his house, and that he was absolutely not going to get in the car with the friend driving under the influence. But the friend had completely disrespected the caller's wishes, and now the friend was angry at the caller for his 'negative attitude.' Hence the tears.

After repeating that I had no qualifications to offer advice, I told the caller that I was not surprised at his friend's behavior, that I had done similar things when I was in my addiction, and that (now that I was sober) I also kept my house free of alcohol or drugs and I also would never get into a car driven by somebody under the influence. The caller had done exactly what I would have done under the circumstances.

Still, the caller was not consoled. He loved this friend and was terribly upset at the thought of losing this friendship. This was really a wonderful person when sober. What should he do?

After repeating a third time that I had no qualifications to give advice, I suggested that the caller might adopt a push-pull attitude toward his friend. When the friend is sober, pull. Engage him, involve him, enjoy him. But when the friend is drinking/using, push. Firmly maintain the wall between yourself and him, disengage, disinvolve, stay cold, stay away. Don't attack him, don't give him advice (except in the most passing, casual, matter-of-fact way), don't try to change him or convert him. Eventually, when you have been consistent, your policy may work some changes in him. You may reinforce, with your "pull," the sober part within him, the wonderful person that he is when sober. You may disempower, with your "push," the other him, the part of him that is in love with alcohol and other drugs.

Or, you may lose him as a friend. That happens. Prepare yourself for that possibility by looking around, even now, at the other people in your life that you could be friends with.

Somehow, that made sense to the caller. It offered a way forward. He stopped crying, his voice returned to normal. I concluded by reminding him that my advice was worth exactly what he paid for it. He gave a little laugh, and we ended the conversation.