Letter to Dr. Davis from an Audience Member

[Note: Dr. B.J. Davis, Clinical Director of Strategies for Change in Sacramento, was guest keynote speaker at the 2008 LifeRing Congress in Berkeley May 31 2008. See Congress review page. After his talk, which was met with a standing ovation, Dr. Davis received the following letter from an audience member.]

Dear Dr. Davis:
I attended your presentation at the LifeRing Congress yesterday. I am passing on a monumental and heartfelt thank you for offering me something that you may very well not be aware of. Your efforts helped me release something that although I was not fully conscious of, I have been holding onto for several years now. I struggled with binge drinking, starting in 1998 and came close to death on a few occasions. I was admitted into Clearbrook - a 28 day, 12 step program in Pennsylvania in 2002. I had attended AA meetings prior to that time and it never resonated with me. In fact, the bulk of that which AA stands for always felt completely contradictory to who I am and what I believe.

Quite frankly I found the whole thing offensive, short sighted, and erroneous. At the same time, the aggressive, hostile, shame-inducing, punitive, thoughtless, deeply insensitive, and invalidating tactics of the 12-step treatment center made AA, on its own, seem light-weight, in terms of harm. My time in treatment is truly one of my most disturbing memories - in my adult life, anyway. I hesitate to go too deeply into it because firstly, it would require dozens of pages, but more importantly, I believe that to whatever extent I hold the responsibility for having created the circumstances for which I ended up in treatment, I am also able to create and put for my solution to the same extent. I like that the solutions to all of my life challenges remain in my hands.

Since years have passed since my treatment, I felt that for the most part I had moved beyond my negative and enormously frustrating feelings as well as the deep conflict that I endured during my 28 days. During your presentation, it became apparent that I had not fully let go of that experience and its impact, until today. As I heard you speak the very essence of what I have felt, believed and attempted to express on countless occasions -- during and subsequent to my treatment, I realized that there were still pockets of stored sadness, desolation, deep frustration, and even fear -- fear of once again being misunderstood, or being accused of having a sick-mind, even though I knew (ironically, in my mind) that my mind was precisely the very part of me that held my solution. If my mind had guided my decisions, I never would have had a drink. I was always clear that my poor choices and decisions were directed by emotional conflict, pain, etc. and my mind at those times was abandoned.

To hear you speak so confidently and knowingly of the very things that I too have known, yet have failed to successfully communicate and in some ways, fully embrace, proved to be quite a profound experience for me. Therefore, I have to point out your one inaccuracy, which is that you said at the beginning of your presentation that you did not have anything profound to offer. That proved to be unquestionably false for me. As I heard your wise and insightful words combined with your compassion, understanding, and alignment with universal truths that transcend any short-sighted concepts and beliefs espoused by AA (and other organizations), I somehow felt compelled and safe to release whatever was left inside of me that once felt so hurtful.

Without sounding too dramatic here, I came close to leaving the room during your presentation, because I actually got teary eyed and was fearful I might just burst into heavier tears. Yet my tears did not reflect any current sadness, but rather a release of old sadness, replaced with a renewed feeling of freedom and hope that I had neatly tucked away and fiercely protected. Thank you so much for offering me the segue between having shut myself down and feeling safe and free to re-open certain places in my heart and mind.

Again, I may be treading dangerously close to drama here, but after treatment, I felt much like I imagine a little boy would feel after being punished for doing something wrong that in reality he didn't do at all. Or better stated, being accused and punished for doing something wrong and bad in the face of attempting to do something quite pure, innocent and good. Your insights touched me similarly to how a boy would have felt if a parent believed him for the first time after years of carrying around the guilt and shame for something he never did. That pretty much sums it up for me.

Truly, thanks so much for your courageous efforts, your big heart and your wise mind. I personally think you should have an endless supply of Ben n Jerry's and anything else your heart desires..... and so it shall be.

Sincerely,
(Name Withheld)

The Recovery Skills Format

As noted on the bulletin board, the Ontario (Canada) based group Addictions are Us recently affiliated with LifeRing. Addictions are Us brings their own "Recovery Stills" format where meetings consist of three parts, an open discussion (much like How Was Your Week), a directed topical discussion (like one section of a Recovery By Choice Workbook group), and a carry-over of a past discussion. The group's new brochure describes the format in more detail. Take a look at it here.

What may be of most interest to LifeRing convenors is the rotating topics list for the second section. Most are topics that appear in Recovery by Choice. Some are not. Some convenors may have a list like this – plus topics of local interest – handy for times when their group wants to do something a little different.

Cravings & Triggers
Daily Program
Trust – Using it and re-building it.
Dreams About Using
Setting Goals
How to Handle New Free Time
Expectations
Communication
Importance of Diet
Importance of Exercise
Problem Solving
Small Steps – Large Changes
Journalizing
Anger Management
Identifying Feelings
Allowing for Change in Yourself
Alternative Sources of Support
Cycles in Mood
Stress Management
Helpful Criticism – How to deal with it.
Substitute compulsions / addictions
Dealing with loss
Holidays – Extra plan for handling those special functions
Post Acute Withdrawal symptoms

Convenors seeking to make their own brochures may also find Southern Ontario example illustrative.

Draft of new brochure, for comment

This past week I've given LifeRing presentations to two groups of lawyers, one in Hayward and another one here in Oakland, today. At the Oakland talk a number of social workers were also in the audience. There were expressions of surprise both from the lawyers and from the social workers when I mentioned the recent federal court case that said 12-step groups are religious and that a government official cannot refer a client exclusively to 12-step groups. I was surprised they were surprised -- I kind of thought that maybe lawyers would know this stuff and that social workers would have been told by their employers. Am I naive, or what! Sooo, right after the noontime talk today I drafted up a new LifeRing brochure, called "Choice of Support Groups: It's the Law," and I would appreciate it if those of you concerned with this issue would have a look at it and give me the benefit of your comments on the brochure. The draft is posted for your download here. Please post comments on the brochure here.

The text of the brochure is drawn largely from my earlier blog post about this court case, there. Please post comments about the court decision there. Thank you.

Confrontation Therapy, R.I.P.

Two of my favorite scholars have combined to write a powerhouse of an article that everyone interested in addiction treatment will want to read. William R. Miller, co-author of the Handbook of Alcoholism Treatment Approaches (reviewed here), and William L. White, author of the monumental history Slaying the Dragon (reviewed here), have written what hopefully will be an obituary for an era, entitled "Confrontation in Addiction Treatment." It's in Counselor Magazine.

I've posted excerpts and a short comment in the New Recovery Blog; go there.

Email from a Treatment Professional

The head of a hospital-based treatment program where LifeRing meetings started last year sent this email to the LifeRing convenor who had asked to move the LifeRing meeting to a larger room on a different evening:

"All the newest scientific literature in recovery says "one size does not fit all - and should not" implying people should have choices that will keep them coming, as it is difficult to affect change when the patient does not attend. Historically, we have viewed resistance to 12-step programs as "denial". We are moving away from that dogmatic approach to substance abuse counseling. This is my long-winded way of attempting to say I no longer view LifeRing as "competition" to [12-step], especially given the extraordinary acceptance it has had among our IOP patients who would not have otherwise attended AA or NA.

Consequently, I suggest you move the meeting to whatever date and time you wish.... Given what we are learning about substance abuse treatment, disallowing to the change would not be in the best interest of the patients wishing to attend, and therefore hard to justify. ...

So, in summary, I say move the meeting on your own.... Again, congratulations on a very popular treatment alternative that has meant the difference between attending or not attending self-help groups for a large number of our patients."